But don't worry- I'm not mad at you or anything (because that could kind of sound like a rant or a hormonal response to something that was said). I think I said that mostly for my own benefit for the days when I feel like I'm only regurgitating facts on a page and wonder why I'm even bothering with it/wondering why anyone would even care about that.
So moving on. As stated in my title, there is an end in sight to the very interesting past few weeks of our life. Had another appt yesterday in which I found I am still 3cm dilated but have moved to 80% effaced. So I have had movement and progression every week, and every time I move closer the more it means it really could be any moment. But I'm not going to lie- I was kind of hoping for the hollywood-ish scenario of her checking me, being amazed that I was practically about to have the baby without me even really being aware, and immediately sending me over to the hospital. That would have been a fun story, but I honestly knew that was not going to be the case. She still stands by her story that it could be any time, but then she started the conversation of what about this time next week and I'm still pregnant. And then she asked me if I would not like to be pregnant anymore by this time next week. So of course I said that would be nice. The problem is that she is going out of town again tomorrow and will not be returning until Thursday. She actually said she usually doesn't have that happen where she's gone like that. I guess that was supposed to make me feel better. So not only does that mean I am facing delivering without her again if I go on my own between now and then, but if she was here I could have probably gotten this show on the road like Monday (I'm assuming you all know I'm speaking of induction here) instead of waiting until Friday morning. Oh well. I don't always think induction is the best idea and there's always that thought of feeling like you're forcing your body into something it's not ready for, but in my case where I'm already progressed like I am it's more like a nudge things along instead of creating something out of nothing. I did ask her about it, telling her I was assuming she thought I was a good candidate for induction since she was bringing it up, and she said oh yeah she thinks I'll have the baby in like four hours or something. And it's going to be like three days before my due date anyway by that time. So, by all technical standards it is still before the due date and "early", but three weeks ago when this excitement began getting stirred up I really didn't think it would be this long. But, as I stated, no matter what happens between now and then we know by this time next week he will be on his way if not already here.
It's funny that scheduling an induction brings such closure, as if I was going to be pregnant forever and this was a great escape or something. The reality is the end is in sight regardless of the scenario! But, for whatever the reason, it does bring closure and a little ease of mind. Much easier to plan life around also, I might add! But honestly, I would still love do go on my own between now and then. We'll just have to see what happens! Like I said before, I know and am trusting that God's timing is perfect even if I'm getting antsy and grumpy about it and am holding onto the fact that He knows best for all of us right now. So we're just going to let things happen the way they're supposed to and enjoy the week. Trying to keep perspective on it as well, because I'm sure for most of you looking at us it's going by so fast and can't believe it's already here. We definitely have those moments, but the anticipation has constantly threatened us out of rational perspective making us feel like it's been an eternity! But we know that's really not the case at all. And I'm so grateful that there's no medical reason or health issue for either myself or Jaxon that's made us have to go get him early. As much of a pain (literally) this pregnancy has been at times, I have been healthy. My doctor always praises me for my ankles looking so good because I don't have any swelling, even though as my history would prove my pregnancy fate had me gaining more weight than I wanted to! (It will go down in the books that I will just never be a small person pregnant, for whatever reason.) Definitely feeling thankful for those things. And definitely so excited and so happy to be meeting our little man, soon.
I know most of you saw this already, but I ordered these shirts for the kids and I can't believe how cute they are. Can't wait to take their pictures in them!!
That's all for now. Thank you for walking through that cycle of emotion with me. I feel better after counting my blessings and thinking about the positives. There will be other topics someday outside of having a baby; however, I do not expect the subject matter to wane anytime soon :) Peace out from the Pate house.
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