The Beginning of the End and the Beginning

I was thinking of that title and its appropriateness, and it felt familiar, like I had used that phrase before.  Sure enough, I looked over the archives and I did use that phrase to describe the period of time right before we came here to Houston and there were so many things ending and beginning all at once.

And I find myself feeling many of those same feelings today, sitting here all alone (the kids have been gone all week and Chris is currently in transit to bring them home- my house is begging for familiar noise :). July is the beginning of the end and the beginning for us.  We are now entering into a holding pattern of sorts, preparing as much as we can but pretty much just waiting.  The beginning of the end of nine months of housing and growing new life. The end of monthly doctor's appts, hip pain, waddling and sleepless nights (okay, so those aren't going anywhere actually, just the nature and cause of the sleeplessness is changing).  The end of the term "Pate family" being four people.  The beginning of the end of a season of life.  This probably being the last time I'm going to be pregnant, there is definitely a finality to it all, like the period at the end of the sentence.  And as much as I am going to be glad not to be pregnant anymore, I'm certainly sensing the ebb and flow of emotion about it.  No matter how much of a pain (literally) it can be, there are probably not many things more amazing in this life than partaking in carrying and bringing into the world a child and all of the guts and glory that go along with it.  And I definitely feel the finality of this being it.  There will be no more diapers to change after this one.  No more nursing, first smiles and first steps, baby rolls and cheeks and smells.  No more "well the next time around..." My role as a mother will move out of child bearing strictly into the business of child rearing.  Definitely an entire chapter and time of our life closing. The end is met with a mixture of feelings of closure, impatience (let's do this- like today), anxiousness and if I'm being totally honest a little fear (oh wow- I am about to do this), and...

Excitement. Because the beginning of the end means the beginning of the beginning.


The beginning of a new year in our life.  We just celebrated our first year of being here in Houston in June, so very literally a new season in not only our personal lives but also ministry is upon us (And we give God major props because our first year has been a great one). And a physical new season around the corner, which means the beginning of relief.  Okay, okay, so we technically still have the hottest portion of the summer to endure and Houston doesn't get the memo to change over into fall until well after most places, but still- there is one big difference for me.  I will not be huge and pregnant anymore, so I literally feel like I can endure anything after this June and July have a little more patience to ride out the rest of the heat. So I know it's only the beginning of July, but let the huge and pregnant lady have my moment of dreaming of cooler (even if it's just a little cooler) times to come.  Eventually.

The beginning of new life and our new life together.  The new Pate family of five.  The beginning of Cadence's transition from baby to big sister, which I might add I think she'll take to the new role splendidly- she has a natural gift of being able to boss people around helping people find their direction and place and I think she'll be thrilled to have someone "under" her to do so :) The further cementing of Addison's place as the big brother. But in all seriousness my children have humongous, loving, caring hearts and Jaxon is so lucky to have them as his older siblings. I'm looking forward to seeing their interactions and how they will love on him and help us take care of him.  It's the beginning of tiny baby snuggles and cuddles.  We're ready to meet him, to hold and smell him, see what he looks like, and to introduce him to the rest of the world.  Life with a baby, though exhausting and overwhelming at times, is like learning to live and appreciate the world all over again.  Seeing through those innocent, new eyes in which everything is a discovery, a brand new world full of wonder and possibility, is so much fun. My heart is happy thinking of that.  The new beginnings headed our way are going to be pretty wonderful.

But today, it's waiting.  It's the limbo between the two worlds, the tossing between the two extremes of emotion, the packing the bags and settling down and getting comfy in the waiting.  But I can tell you, it's not all that comfy, especially if you are in this skin right now!

And so begins July, the beginning of the end and the beginning.  You would not waste a prayer on this little family during this time. Peace out from the Pate house.