The End is in Sight

Thought I'd give another update on where we are.  Sorry if you're tired of hearing about the status of woman parts- that's just kind of where we're living right now :)  And I have to add that this blog is not only for the enjoyment and entertainment of friends, family, and the random person who comes along from cyberspace, but it is for me and our family.  This is a record of our days, many details of which I will not be remembering down the road.  I know this because of the many times I have desperately scoured the filing cabinets in my brain trying to pull up things that at best end up with foggy details.

But don't worry- I'm not mad at you or anything (because that could kind of sound like a rant or a hormonal response to something that was said).  I think I said that mostly for my own benefit for the days when I feel like I'm only regurgitating facts on a page and wonder why I'm even bothering with it/wondering why anyone would even care about that.

So moving on.  As stated in my title, there is an end in sight to the very interesting past few weeks of our life.  Had another appt yesterday in which I found I am still 3cm dilated but have moved to 80% effaced. So I have had movement and progression every week, and every time I move closer the more it means it really could be any moment.  But I'm not going to lie- I was kind of hoping for the hollywood-ish scenario of her checking me, being amazed that I was practically about to have the baby without me even really being aware, and immediately sending me over to the hospital.  That would have been a fun story, but I honestly knew that was not going to be the case.  She still stands by her story that it could be any time, but then she started the conversation of what about this time next week and I'm still pregnant.  And then she asked me if I would not like to be pregnant anymore by this time next week.  So of course I said that would be nice.  The problem is that she is going out of town again tomorrow and will not be returning until Thursday.  She actually said she usually doesn't have that happen where she's gone like that.  I guess that was supposed to make me feel better.  So not only does that mean I am facing delivering without her again if I go on my own between now and then, but if she was here I could have probably gotten this show on the road like Monday (I'm assuming you all know I'm speaking of induction here) instead of waiting until Friday morning.  Oh well.  I don't always think induction is the best idea and there's always that thought of feeling like you're forcing your body into something it's not ready for, but in my case where I'm already progressed like I am it's more like a nudge things along instead of creating something out of nothing.  I did ask her about it, telling her I was assuming she thought I was a good candidate for induction since she was bringing it up, and she said oh yeah she thinks I'll have the baby in like four hours or something.  And it's going to be like three days before my due date anyway by that time.  So, by all technical standards it is still before the due date and "early", but  three weeks ago when this excitement began getting stirred up I really didn't think it would be this long. But, as I stated, no matter what happens between now and then we know by this time next week he will be on his way if not already here.

It's funny that scheduling an induction brings such closure, as if I was going to be pregnant forever and this was a great escape or something.  The reality is the end is in sight regardless of the scenario!  But, for whatever the reason, it does bring closure and a little ease of mind. Much easier to plan life around also, I might add!  But honestly, I would still love do go on my own between now and then.  We'll just have to see what happens!  Like I said before, I know and am trusting that God's timing is perfect even if I'm getting antsy and grumpy about it and am holding onto the fact that He knows best for all of us right now.  So we're just going to let things happen the way they're supposed to and enjoy the week.  Trying to keep perspective on it as well, because I'm sure for most of you looking at us it's going by so fast and can't believe it's already here.  We definitely have those moments, but the anticipation has constantly threatened us out of rational perspective making us feel like it's been an eternity! But we know that's really not the case at all.  And I'm so grateful that there's no medical reason or health issue for either myself or Jaxon that's made us have to go get him early.  As much of a pain (literally) this pregnancy has been at times, I have been healthy.  My doctor always praises me for my ankles looking so good because I don't have any swelling, even though as my history would prove my pregnancy fate had me gaining more weight than I wanted to! (It will go down in the books that I will just never be a small person pregnant, for whatever reason.) Definitely feeling thankful for those things.  And definitely so excited and so happy to be meeting our little man, soon.

I know most of you saw this already, but I ordered these shirts for the kids and I can't believe how cute they are.  Can't wait to take their pictures in them!!

That's all for now.  Thank you for walking through that cycle of emotion with me.  I feel better after counting my blessings and thinking about the positives.  There will be other topics someday outside of having a baby; however, I do not expect the subject matter to wane anytime soon :) Peace out from the Pate house.

Holding Up in the Holding Pattern

"How are you holding up?" and similar inquiries are coming now daily from friends and family anxiously waiting along with us.  So I thought I'd give everyone a brief breakdown of the past couple of weeks.  I certainly have no inclinations or inspiration to wax eloquent right now, so short and brief descriptions are about all you're going to get out of me for the moment :)

Check-up at 36 weeks: Found out I'm 1 1/2 cm dilated, 50% effaced (you may or may not have any idea what I'm referring to here...), and baby has definitely moved down.  I was not surprised at this beginning of progression, because I had started having little bouts of contractions and felt that some movement was happening.  Just started to feel "different". Though not surprised, this is a new experience for me seeing as how with the other two I really didn't have movement this early on until 1) full blown labor with Addison almost at due date and 2) basically no movement at all before being induced with Cadence, although it moved super fast once it got going!  After that appt, I felt like maybe he was going to come a little early after all and it wasn't just desperate wishful thinking on my part :)  Unintentionally sent Chris into a small panic mode, like an alarm clock of reality going off screaming "This is really going to happen!"  Lots of those moments happen for us all towards the end, weaving in and out of the surreal and real.

Went on about the week that week, but the "this could be happening any day now" seed was definitely planted in our minds, and legitimately so.  Had some more start/stop bouts of contractions, enough to further grow that seed of thought in our brains and make it increasingly more difficult to focus much or want to make many plans. Feeling totally blah, with some days better than others. Had our big brother/big sister sibling class and tour at the hospital that weekend (pics and funny quotes at the end of this post).  Middle of the night Monday/Tues morning after the weekend had me timing contractions wondering if this was it.  Fell back asleep, so apparently it wasn't!  And let me clarify, these contractions are uncomfortable enough to be the real thing and not the "fake" (Braxton Hicks) ones, but definitely not near as bad as they'll get!

Check-up at 37 weeks (Wed): Have moved to 3cm dilated, 60% effaced, baby same position, not down anymore or back up. This business of having babies is very tricky- there are women at my progression in full blown labor and screaming for pain meds at this point.  There are women walking around more progressed than I am at the grocery store feeling nothing.  Unfortunately there's no formula.  My doctor says to me, "This is going to be quick and easy." Should you say things like that?  Trying not to make too much of that statement, but I also know that being this progressed already does in fact mean some of the work is done, which means less is left to do when this thing goes active.  Which also makes me nervous because I do know it could also mean really fast.  I'm so so glad that in a huge city we live ten minutes from the hospital.  Then she tells me she's going to be out of town from Saturday to next Wed, so he either needs to come by like midnight Friday or wait until Thurs.  Nice.  Yeah, I'll work on that.

And that about catches us up to the present.  Obviously, he did not come Friday night, which now complicates the situation because it would be nice to not go another week but don't really want a stranger delivering the baby.  It is what it is, though. So to answer the original question of how we're holding up... Not gonna lie- this past week has been kind of hard.  Day to day life is growing increasingly harder and more strange being stuck in this strange twilight zone time warp where the minutes seem to be like days.  We have kept our schedule pretty open, and that's hard on all of us because we like going and doing and being with people. Obviously, it's growing increasingly more uncomfortable for me!  His little bottom stretches so high I can barely breathe, and his little head is down so low I can barely walk- that doesn't leave a lot of room left!!  So I'm not physically capable of a whole lot.  When I drove to church this morning, I barely crammed myself into the seat and then barely reached the petal because my tummy was hitting the steering wheel and I had to move back- yeah, awkward. We're trying as hard as we can to just carry on about business as usual, but focus and productivity are ever elusive and slippery.  This is especially hard on poor Chris who has so much to do and in the midst of all of this, God is tremendously blessing the church and we're randomly in a burst of growth and momentum here in the middle of summer- talk about grace, grace!!  I think we are operating in like a triple dose of it right now!

With all that being said it's still a very exciting time, so I hope I'm not whining too much.  It's just very hard to articulate and explain the nature of these days. I think that's one of the reasons we're all having such a hard time, because we're ready to meet our new little man and ready to move on to the new challenges of life with a newborn, a growing church, and all of the other things going on in our lives.  And I'm trying so, so hard to keep my peace, remember that God is in control, constantly turn over my anxieties, fears, and restlessness over to Him, and that His timing and plan are perfect.  So, basically- the bags are packed, the arrangements for the kids are made, and we're trying to be ready on a moment's notice but not think about it. Yeah.  So maybe the next post will be a birth announcement and story, or maybe the next post will be more of the same.  One day (and sometimes one hour) at a time.

Here's our pics from the sibling class...

They learned the proper way to hold a baby and had little practice babies... Addison's baby was bigger than the one Cadence had!  Proud siblings!

Annnnd this is what not to do when holding baby.  Let's try not to pick our nose and hold Jaxon at the same time, son.

Then they moved on to learning how to swaddle the baby with the blanket, followed by changing a diaper.  Cadence was very confident and really did not want any help from me on this. So surprised.

This is my favorite one.  Addison's baby was an anatomically correct baby boy, and his face is so classic Addison.  He does this expression sometimes when he raises his eyebrows at things like, "whoah".  This would be one of those moments.  Don't know what about the moment caused the face, but I was laughing!  We also assured the kids that they will not really be responsible for changing the diapers, maybe just helping :)

In the middle of talking about babies only drinking milk when they're born (aka do NOT feed your baby your snacks and drinks), Cadence raises her hand and proceeds to tell the class that babies also like tomato juice. Hmm.  Have no idea where that came from.

When we were touring the l&d rooms, Addison raises his hand and asks what happens when the mommy is having the baby and she really needs to go to the bathroom.  He's really thinking through this process.  Tricky, indeed!  Actually, most of his questions/comments had to do with the mom which is sweet because he has recently shown some concern/interest with me and my well-being.  I keep trying to assure him that I'm okay and that even though it's not going to be a lot of fun for me that I'll be just fine. He's aware that birth is messy and yucky and has no desire to be anywhere near that room!!  They know that they will be coming to see us ASAP and when Jaxon is all cleaned up ready to hold.  They also got big brother/big sister shirts from the class which they can proudly wear!

One of the funniest things said was at the end of the tour when we finished.  Cadence raised her hand and asked if we were now all going to take turns having the babies!!  It got a laugh out of everyone.  That's about her level of understanding of it all... sort of but not really!

And if you didn't see the pics on Facebook, I finally finished decorating the nursery.  Now to put the finishing touches on the other kids' rooms!!  It's such a happy and bright space- just how I wanted :) Here's a link to the rest of the pics here: Nursery

(got a sweet app on my iPhone that lets you take a bunch of pictures and it stitches them together to make a panoramic picture- love it!)

And that gets you all caught up.  Sorry it's kind of long.  Now back to patiently waiting... peace out from the Pate house.

The Beginning of the End and the Beginning

I was thinking of that title and its appropriateness, and it felt familiar, like I had used that phrase before.  Sure enough, I looked over the archives and I did use that phrase to describe the period of time right before we came here to Houston and there were so many things ending and beginning all at once.

And I find myself feeling many of those same feelings today, sitting here all alone (the kids have been gone all week and Chris is currently in transit to bring them home- my house is begging for familiar noise :). July is the beginning of the end and the beginning for us.  We are now entering into a holding pattern of sorts, preparing as much as we can but pretty much just waiting.  The beginning of the end of nine months of housing and growing new life. The end of monthly doctor's appts, hip pain, waddling and sleepless nights (okay, so those aren't going anywhere actually, just the nature and cause of the sleeplessness is changing).  The end of the term "Pate family" being four people.  The beginning of the end of a season of life.  This probably being the last time I'm going to be pregnant, there is definitely a finality to it all, like the period at the end of the sentence.  And as much as I am going to be glad not to be pregnant anymore, I'm certainly sensing the ebb and flow of emotion about it.  No matter how much of a pain (literally) it can be, there are probably not many things more amazing in this life than partaking in carrying and bringing into the world a child and all of the guts and glory that go along with it.  And I definitely feel the finality of this being it.  There will be no more diapers to change after this one.  No more nursing, first smiles and first steps, baby rolls and cheeks and smells.  No more "well the next time around..." My role as a mother will move out of child bearing strictly into the business of child rearing.  Definitely an entire chapter and time of our life closing. The end is met with a mixture of feelings of closure, impatience (let's do this- like today), anxiousness and if I'm being totally honest a little fear (oh wow- I am about to do this), and...

Excitement. Because the beginning of the end means the beginning of the beginning.


The beginning of a new year in our life.  We just celebrated our first year of being here in Houston in June, so very literally a new season in not only our personal lives but also ministry is upon us (And we give God major props because our first year has been a great one). And a physical new season around the corner, which means the beginning of relief.  Okay, okay, so we technically still have the hottest portion of the summer to endure and Houston doesn't get the memo to change over into fall until well after most places, but still- there is one big difference for me.  I will not be huge and pregnant anymore, so I literally feel like I can endure anything after this June and July have a little more patience to ride out the rest of the heat. So I know it's only the beginning of July, but let the huge and pregnant lady have my moment of dreaming of cooler (even if it's just a little cooler) times to come.  Eventually.

The beginning of new life and our new life together.  The new Pate family of five.  The beginning of Cadence's transition from baby to big sister, which I might add I think she'll take to the new role splendidly- she has a natural gift of being able to boss people around helping people find their direction and place and I think she'll be thrilled to have someone "under" her to do so :) The further cementing of Addison's place as the big brother. But in all seriousness my children have humongous, loving, caring hearts and Jaxon is so lucky to have them as his older siblings. I'm looking forward to seeing their interactions and how they will love on him and help us take care of him.  It's the beginning of tiny baby snuggles and cuddles.  We're ready to meet him, to hold and smell him, see what he looks like, and to introduce him to the rest of the world.  Life with a baby, though exhausting and overwhelming at times, is like learning to live and appreciate the world all over again.  Seeing through those innocent, new eyes in which everything is a discovery, a brand new world full of wonder and possibility, is so much fun. My heart is happy thinking of that.  The new beginnings headed our way are going to be pretty wonderful.

But today, it's waiting.  It's the limbo between the two worlds, the tossing between the two extremes of emotion, the packing the bags and settling down and getting comfy in the waiting.  But I can tell you, it's not all that comfy, especially if you are in this skin right now!

And so begins July, the beginning of the end and the beginning.  You would not waste a prayer on this little family during this time. Peace out from the Pate house.